Do I know what I want in life?

I read Appu's comment on my previous blog today...and that got me thinking "Do I know what I want with life?". At the age of 8 I wanted to be a doctor...every body of my generation at that age wanted to be a doctor. At 15 I wanted to be a model.......saw Sush and Ash become Miss "Blah Blah Blahs"...but dare I utter that word,so the idea just faded away. In college I wanted to be the rebel..succeceeded to an extent..but did'nt have a justified cause to continue.

By the time I left college I wanted to get marrried.....did just that.....started my new phase of life as a wife , daughter in law...then a mother...a scary ride this...but cruised along...got my way "most of the time". Now at this stage of my life I ask myself..."What do I want in life??".....am I really in a time and place where it matters......but looking back I have always got what I wanted...and it mattered.. to me. The sanity in me ..or do I say insanity(Arun will agree with this) helps me always to think beyond my limitations...seek for what is not so obvious...and sometimes want something that is not mine(the thrill lies there!)

The want is always there...the hunger never dies...the limitations are limitless..the boundries are narrow, shallow and sometimes just there!!.....But beyond all this there is me..one life ....one time ...one chance...AND I WANT IT!!!

I am what you call "A house wife" ,"a stay at home mom"..I do'nt like these descriptions much,but I am living with it and do i like the situation that I am in...Ohh I love it.

I like doing things for my family..working for them..with them and sometimes just being there.

If you look at it ..it is the same drab routine that goes on day after day after day.If you ask me today what I am doing next week the same time..without a thought I'll say the same thing I am doing right now.The big details are just the same,but it's the small ones that make all the difference.

The other day Adi ,my eight year old started crying cause he just could'nt beat someones score on an internet game(he does that a lot)..so mom beat the score..and seeing the smile on his face as he entered his name on top of the score sheet was sweet.

Going to pick up Aarush from his school is one road trip that I would'nt like to miss.Just seeing him cry as he runs into my arms is what i wait for everyday(he'll grow out of it soon I know).

His nonstop chatter of how "exam aunty"(that's what he calls his teacher) scolded him or how he beat a boy when the teacher was not looking(I have to tell him to stop that) make all the waiting worthwhile.

It's been going on for over nine years now...and I know it will go on for eternity..but just knowing that Arun can't find a needle in a pile of needles without yelling out for "munna "...kind of gives me the control...and I like been in control.

Just knowing that I am there when they need me keeps me going...and that's a job well done.